Many of you may know from reading my other posts that I was raised in a conservative blue collar middle class family with all the regular moral values that come with that kind of life. I remember when things were going well for me how I would see people on the street throwing trash on the ground or relieving themselves in public, getting into fights or god forbid stealing from a store. I would get so mad and think, why do people do this sort of thing why didn't anyone ever teach these people right from wrong.
Well let me tell you right now, I know these things are wrong and you shouldn't do them but....
Yea, thats right I am know a littering, peeing in public (although not too public), food steeling son of a bitch! Now I know these are not the worst things a person could possibly do and some are quite trivial (like littering) but you have to understand this is about the change that has happened within me and is a major change to my own personality. I know I've said it before but Im going to say it again. You just dont know what its like being homeless until you've actually done it!
Lets start with the whole littering thing. I hate to do it but sometimes if there is not a garbage can around I dont have much choice. I could keep it in my car but then my car stinks and it takes up space which I cant afford. So yea I litter sometimes.
The peeing outside thing is just unavoidable. Most if not all buisness wont let you use there restrooms if you dont buy something. And if I have to go in the middle of the night im not going to run around town looking for a restroom thats open. I do try to be discreet tho so if you happen to see someone peeing in your bushes its not me.
Stealing. Its tough for me to admit it but yea it happens. When you have no money and you need food or something like inserts for your shoes because the job you have requires you to stand for 8hrs a day and you have bad feet its necessary. I never steal from the mom and pop places but from the larger stores like Walmart and CVS. Not that that makes it right but at least I feel like im stealing from the evil empire. Now that I have a job I hardly ever do it any more but when I was really hurting for money it was a daily thing I had to do.
As you know everything I own is in my car, and if I loose any of it my life could take a serious turn for the worse. I mention this because its hard for the average person to relate to this. Its hard to image what your life is like living on a line and if you cross this line your life could very well be over. For this reason I am very protective of my belongings and if anyone ever tried to steal from me I would fight them because my life very well might depend on it.
When your fighting for your life you will do things your not always proud of but you really dont have a choice if you want to survive. This change in attitude is something that is both good and bad. The bad is obvious. The good is a little bit harder to see. I used to be the kind of person who took a lot of shit from people and wouldn't say anything and sty in line. Not so much any more. I am also beginning to understand some things about myself that I didn't realize before and although its been a long trip down to the bottom I think im only becoming a stronger and better person because of it.
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