The Joys of Bathing When Homeless.

Ok, there are no joys of bathing when homeless…

One thing you should know about me is I’m a bit of a clean freak. Not like crazy washing my hands every 15min freaky but I do like to shower every day and stay smelling good and feeling fresh. It definitely has a positive effect on your attitude when you can be around other people and not worry about offending them because you stink.

I remember when I was out west for a few months I could only shower at an outdoor site and didn’t have hot water. Let me tell you having a cold shower when it 50 degrees outside is not fun. Talk about an eye opener, Wow!  Other times I’ve had to fill up a few gallons of water and just find a spot where know body was around.

You never really appreciate some things until you don’t have them any more.

Luckily I have a gym membership now so most days I just shower there every morning. The only problem is they are not open on weekends and even though they open early in the morning, sometimes its not early enough for me to stop in and still get to work on time.  So I have to do the bum shower at the local coffee shop, they have a restroom where I can lock the door so at least I have some privacy.

And just so you know coffee shop employees; I always clean up after myself, so don’t get mad at me!

Feeling Better Today

Ok so after a couple of days off im feeling much better today, I think I just needed to get some sleep.

So im looking at web design as a possible carrear choice. I know a little HTML now and have the Dreamweaver program so I think after I get some money in the bank im going to look into taking some classes on the internet and see how things go.

Its amazing how you can turn things around with just a little sleep.

I often wonder how the truly down and our deal with this. I mean at least I live in my car where I am protected from the elements and can get a decent nights sleep. But what about the ones who live on the streets? Its got to be almost impossible to get motivated enough to go out and get a job or try to improve your situation when you are constantly worrying about getting enough food and sleep.

More on this later.

Failure

Ok so just a warning my next few blog posts are going to be a bit dark and self obsessed but you have to realize I’m not writing this for your benefit but for mine.

As I mentioned in my previous post a client call me up yesterday wanting to hire me for a quick job. Unfortunately I can’t do it because I’ve sold all my equipment. I wrote back to the client in an email telling them that I am no longer working as a artist and have moved on to bigger and better things. Not exactly the truth but it sound better then "I had to sell all my equipment and I am now living in my car, plus I’m working a lousy job that I cant stand so I cant do the work that I love".

So as you can imagine this kind of really sucks.  This is the first time I had to let a client know I’m no longer in business and its really hard for me to admit to my failure.

So lets talk about failure for a minute. When I was younger I always told myself that I would never look back and that you do the best you can and you will always succeed in what you do. No regrets.

Now that I’m older and have gone thru some pretty shitty times I find myself full of regrets, I find myself wishing I had done things differently. I have never been one to blame other people for my problems and I hate to start now but I wish when I was younger I would have had someone to push me more, whether it was in school or with my personal life I always felt like I had to rely on myself to do everything. I never asked for help from friends or family and always kept everything to myself when things weren’t working out.

I’m kind of at a loss now. I’m not sure where my life is going and I feel like I have missed so may opportunities that now I just need to keep my head down and just deal with it, which is really hard for me to do. I want to succeed but I’ve just been so beaten down over the last few years I’m afraid to even try any more. I’m constantly thinking about just running off somewhere and quitting this job I’ve been doing but I know if I do that I will just end up in a worse situation than I’m already in.

I keep trying to think of something positive to say here but I just cant. Even now my reaction is to try to act like everything is ok but its really not. I get my next paycheck in about 10 days maybe then I will feel better knowing that I will have enough money to eat and buy a few things that I really need. But I know that will only be a temporary fix and I will be back to this depression before too long.

Just Got a Call From...

A client I've done some work for in the past. THey left me a message telling me they wanted to hire me for a job.

So this is the firs time I get to tell someone I'm no longer in buisness....

Not going to be easy.

Tired, Hot, and My Job Sucks

Not sure it its the sleeping pills I took last night or the fact that I havent had a day off in two weeks but im in a real shitty mood today.

My boss at the new job is a control freak! I cant stand people like this, which is probably why I enjoyed being self employed for so long. Im just not very good at being told what to do. Now dont get me wrong, I understand you have to do your job and I have always prided myself in doing the best I can but when your boss has to micromanage everything and obviously has control issues I just shut down mentally and put myself on auto pilot.

Yea, its hot and I cant sleep! Ive been working 3rd shift the last few days and have only been getting about 4hrs of sleep a night, actually I get off work at 7am so Ive been sleeping in the morning hrs. The temperature starts to get too hot around noon to sleep in my car, I tried some sleeping pills but now I just feel all mediciny head and in a bad mood. Cant wait till fall!

Ok done with this rant hopefully when I get on here next I will be in a better mood...

The FIne Art of SUV Maintenance

Today I fixed my brakes! I spent $22.00 on brake pads and it only took me about an hour to change the pads out, I figured I save around $200.00 by doing it myself.

Its funny to think that the most important thing in my life right now is my SUV. Without it I have nowhere to live, no way to get to work, no shelter or place to sleep and nowhere to keep all my stuff. So yea its kind of important I keep it running and in good conditions.

I try to do all my own mechanical work. I have a decent amount of tools to do most jobs, and consider myself pretty handy. In the past I have replaced spark plugs, spark plug wires, fuel filters, fuel injectors, belts, starters, alternators and a few other odds and ends.

Oddly enough the only thing I dont do myself is change the oil because of the mess it creates and I just dont want to deal with it.

Hopefully in a few months I will be able to afford a newer more reliable vehicle but for now I just have to hope my current car stays together a little while longer.

PayDay!!!

So I was down to my last penny when payday came around this week. I think I have lost about 10lbs from not eating (not that I couldn't stand to loose a few pounds). Hopefully from what I made from this paycheck will get me to the next, I should be fine money wise after that since I really dont have many bills.

Thats the great thing about being homeless! No rent, no utility bills, I dont have to buy furniture or renters ins either. Of course you can imagine the down sides. Like being woken by a cop early this morning. He shined his flashlight inside my car but must not have been able to see me because after a minute of looking he got back in his car and left. Unfortunately I couldn't get back to sleep after that and have to work 3rd shift tonight so im definitely going to have to catch a nap sometime today.

I do need to think about getting a new vehicle, the one im driving is fine for now but has a ton of miles on it and im not sure how much longer its going to last.

Not liking the new job too much, they ended up putting me in a very important post which is fine but im really not making anymore money for doing more work, which is kind of annoying. I will probably be asking for a raise before too long even though I've only been there for a few weeks. Im probably going to stick it out for a few months and then move or find a new job somewhere else. I love Cincinnati but I'm not to sure how things will go this winter being outside all the time.

Thats all for now, have to get the laundry done then clean out my SUV. Its good to eat again!!!

Go Reds!!!

I expect them to win the division this year and then make it to the World Series. One of my favorite things to do in the summer is listen to them on the radio in my car. Marty and the Cowboy work great together and really make the game enjoyable.

Trying to dumb myself down

Yea thats kind of pathetic but that is exactly what I have been doing over the last few months. I used to read, watch documentaries, go to art museums and art happenings here in Cincinnati. I used to always try to improve myself and keep up with current world events.

But I just cant do it anymore, whenever I try to inspire myself to do anything it just gets me all fired up which always leads to disappointment. I just can’t deal with the failure any more.

I know that sound messed up but for the time being at least I’m just going to turn myself into another ignorant American. Head to the grind stone and just do what the boss tells me, I think I will just be happier that way.

The New Job

So like I mentioned in some older posts I’ve gotten a new job. I am actually making a little more then I thought I would 11.00hr – 11.50 an hour after 60 days or something like that. I really don’t mind the pay so much although I’m used to making a lot more it’s the job itself that I’m having some troubles with.

I used to work in a creative field with other creative’s working toward a common goal on large projects. I would sometimes put in 12hr days and others only a couple but every day I worked I enjoyed myself and couldn’t wait till the next job came my way.

Now however, “its just another job”. I think I’ve heard this from several fellow employees over the last few days. Almost everyone seams to just be there for the paycheck and cant wait to get out of there at the end of the day.  I really have a hard time working in an environment like this.

I had to cover for a guy today that left early for work for personal reasons, the guys job was so mundane that I felt like screaming after about an hr. I really started to get that familiar “I have to get the fuck out of here feeling” I get when I’m stuck in a job like this. I just had to keep reminding myself I need the money because I really do, I’m down to my last 10 dollars and I don’t get paid for a week. Needless to say things could get really interesting in the next few days.

That’s all for now. I’m exhausted….

Getting a Job Without an Address

I think I have been lucky so far with the whole ID issues and being homeless. I’ve been using the same address I had at my last residence for resumes. I know the laws in other states are different but when I recently had to renew my license I just told them I still lived at the same address and they took me at my word. You can even change your address online if you need to which might come in handy down the road. But if your homeless in Ohio and don’t already have a drivers license then you have to show proof of residence along with an SS card.

There are homeless shelters and maybe even some churches that will let you use there address if your homeless but I prefer to stay away from such places and I’m guessing that some employers know these address and when they see them on your resume they just throw your resume to the trash pile.

I was a little worried about the address issue with the company I just started working for, they do a pretty thorough background check and even finger print and run you through some sort of national registry. But everything checked out ok, and since this company directly transfers my paycheck into my bank account I don’t have to worry about receiving anything in the mail from them.

As far as my other bills and such (phone, insurance, and bank account) I haven’t had a problem with them yet. Before I moved out I just went paperless and pay all my bills online. I will say tho that my bank knows I no longer live at my listed address. Whenever I go online to check my account I’m asked to update my address, but I just choose the option to “do it later” (for the last 5 months) and haven’t had any problems. I’m guessing as long as they have my money they don’t really care where I live.

So I now have a job that I start this morning at 10:30. I will keep you all posted with how it goes.

The Joys of Bathing When Homeless.

Ok, there are no joys of bathing when homeless…

One thing you should know about me is I’m a bit of a clean freak. Not like crazy washing my hands every hour freaky but I do like to shower every day and stay smelling good and feeling fresh. It definitely has a positive effect on your attitude when you can be around other people and not worry about offending them because you stink.

I remember when I was out west for a few months I could only shower at an outdoor site and didn’t have hot water. Let me tell you having a cold shower when it 50 degrees outside is not fun. Talk about an eye opener, Wow!  Other times I’ve had to fill up a few gallons of water and just find a spot where know body was around.

You never really appreciate some things until you don’t have them any more.

Luckily I have a gym membership now so most days I just shower there every morning. The only problem is they are not open on weekends and even though they open early in the morning, sometimes its not early enough for me to stop in and still get to work on time.  So I have to do the bum shower at the local coffee shop, they have a restroom there where I can lock the door so at least I have some privacy.

And just so you know coffee shop employees; I always clean up after myself, so don’t get mad at me!

Profile of a Homeless Person

Whats A Homeless Person Look Like?

When most people think of homeless people the image that comes to mind is your average dirty smelly guy on the street corner holding up a sign that says “will work for food” or “god bless please help” or the crazy person who is yelling at the invisible guy sitting next to him on the bus, and to be honest I would have thought the same thing a few months ago before I started living in my car. I would have never thought you could hold down a job or have your own business while being homeless. Yet I have met several people on the streets that you would never guess to be homeless.

I once met a guy who was 70 years old, retired and lived in a VW bus. When I asked him why he lived this way he told me because he felt totally free living on his own, he had no bills to pay, no tax man chasing him down, no phone to answer and he could move to a different part of the country whenever he wanted. He was absolutely free to do whatever he wanted.

Another man I met from Canada owned a farm and during the off-season he would come to the U.S and just travel for several months living in his car until his visa ran out. I don’t meet to many girls who live in there cars but have met a couple that you would have never guessed lived in there cars. One girl I met was from Germany who was being paid by her company to go to College here in the U.S. She decided to live in her car instead of pay for rent so she could save the money for her future. The other was an artist who just graduated from college and was looking for galleries to show here work.

Some of the homeless people I meet just find jobs when they needed them some I suspect were probably collecting government checks but most just fended for themselves doing odd jobs or perhaps others were laid off from there jobs and just living on unemployment for the time being. I also met a few other starving artists like myself who were just trying to find their way.

The reason you would never know these people are homeless is because they take great pains in not letting people know that they are homeless. Like me they “keep up appearances” to avoid being judged by there friends, bosses or family. They shower every day they keep there clothes neat and pressed they don’t go around telling everyone they are homeless, they don’t break the law (at least no major ones), and they don’t beg for handouts and generally stay out of everyone’s way. Unless you are homeless yourself you would have a hard time recognizing these people.

My closest friends and family have no idea I’m homeless although it pains me a lot to lie to them, I think they are better off not knowing, by sparing them the worry and inevitable fight that would ensue from knowing, many of them would probably take me in if they found out but I would have to refuse there offer. You can say I’m pig headed or stubborn but I know what’s best for me and right now I’m not willing to take the hand out.

I have been getting by from selling off my equipment from my previous career and also from doing the occasional job, but those jobs are far and few between and im about to run out of money. Luckily I have an interview for later this week. But I’m going to keep that story for another post.

Car Living

So what’s it like living in your car? Its not easy and definitely not for everyone. Luckily I have a SUV so there it a bit of room to sleep in at night but not as much as the VW vans I see many people living in. I wish I could afford to get one myself the newer ones are pretty nice.

The toughest thing about living in my car is you have no bathroom. Which makes it very difficult to keep clean and you have to use public restrooms thing, which took me some time to get used to.

I found a community gym here in Cincinnati that have showers so I lucked out there. They also give me a chance to work out a little to keep me from getting too soft. I think its very important to stay in shape when your homeless because you need to stay healthy because I just cant afford to get sick or injured.

I spend a lot of time in coffee shops and the library. Because I have a laptop I can get any work that I might need to do done and it’s a great source of entertainment for hot days like today when its just too dam hot outside. The problem with having a laptop tho is that it pretty much needs to go everywhere I go especially when its hot out and the inside of my car can get over 100 degrees. I also have to carry around an external drive that holds most of my backups.

I try not to drive around too much because of the cost of gas. So I mostly hang out in one neighborhood. I take the bus sometimes but also walk a lot to where I need to be. Because im low on cash every cent counts and lately I’ve been trying not too spend any more that I absolutely have too. Its tough to eat on the cheap and not eat at fast food places but when your hungry there is nothing cheaper than the dollar menu at McDonalds. I also park at one of the local parks and will sit in my car and read a lot ( when its not too hot!)

Finding a place to sleep at night has always been a challenge. I try to find places that have a combination of low foot traffic, so I don’t have to worry about people seeing me and calling the cops, a safe area so I don’t get mugged, and a quiet location so I can get some sleep. I have three different locations I have been using lately, I try not to stay at one place more then two nights in a row for fear of becoming recognized.

I really need to get some window tint for my windows. I bought some do it your self stuff once but it was a complete failure trying to apply it. If I get some extra money that would definitely be something I would pay some one to do for me.

The heat this summer is really killing me, I don’t mind it too much during the day but a night it sometimes makes it impossible to sleep. I cant wait until fall….

About Me

How I Got Here

After starting my own business 12 years ago things really went south this past year, clients stopped calling and the bills started piling up. I couldn’t pay my rent or credit card bill and really didn’t want to burden my friends or family. So I decided to try moving out of the City and see if I could find work somewhere else. After packing up everything I could fit into my SUV and selling or giving away everything else I headed west.

Ive always had a roof under my head so living in my car was a huge adjustment for me, its one of those things that you really cant understand until you actually have to do it. Luckily the city where I ended up staying in was somewhat tolerant of people like me and I met a few others who also lived in their cars as well that taught me how to get by.

After a few months the summer started getting really hot and the work there was no better than in Cincinnati so I decided to return where I knew some people and at least what I thought at the time would be cooler and easier to live in.

So im back in the Nati and still living in my car. Believe it or not I don’t mind not having a roof over my head too much. Ive gotten used to it and the pressure of paying bills and living a more simple life has really help relieve some of the stress in my life and in some ways made me happier than I have been in years.

I will be updating this blog as often as I can, its going to appear a little scatterbrained at first so bear with me. Im going to start by telling you about my past experiences until I get caught up with what’s happening now in my life. To all of the grammar Nazis please forgive me. I’m not much of a writer but I think there are a lot of people who can benefit from what I have to say.